Holycrapryanross' Blog

To my readers (or i should say reader, as my long months of procrastination has left only one, and thank you very much for your support) I've been reading the Twilight saga over and over again because Stephenie Meyer has amazing descriptive ability in her writing, so i'm sure some of that has rubbed off on me. No matter, i'm in a writing mood (for once) and i feel i owe it to my readers to post a bit more than usual, so here it is. Hope you enjoy!

~Patrick's POV~

Though the lack of sight was the most prominant of my senses at the moment, i vaguely heard voices in the distance. A soft pitter-patter against glass made me realize that i was, after all, still alive in spite of my resent attempt. It began to dawn on me just how stupid that act had been on my part, but i couldn't focus on that for long. Other sounds were making themselves known. Feet, gentle on a linoleum floor, getting closer to my half-conscious figure. Murmured voices got louder as the darkness left me and unmuffled my senses. I realized, then, that these were not murmurs i was hearing. They were soft sobs from someone who was in the room with me, along with what sounded like two other people counseling the sobber.

"How can i ever forgive myself?" a familiar voice asked, choking on the last word. I know this voice, I told myself. It was the voice of an angel, my reason for living, but who was it?

"People make mistakes, you can't bring this on yourself. Besides, hating yourself isn't going to make Patrick wake up." It was Brendon who spoke this time, though i couldn't understand why i recognized him immediately but not my angel.

"And what if he never wakes up? Am i supposed to just go about my life like his death isn't on my hands?" Bitter this time, a tone i'd never heard him use. Of course you know him. Think!

"Brendon's right, Patrick chose to overdose. He may have based that decision on your actions, but it was still stupid and irrational of him. You can't walk around with this guilt." Sammie, definately. I recognized the soothing tone she used whenever she was trying to calm someone down yet make sense of a situation herself. Of course. Of course i knew him!

Memories of the last time i was awake flooded back to me now. I saw him so clearly, this perfect man who was so ashamed of who he was, who felt that he had to hide our love from everyone, make up stories about where he went or what he did. Even date a girl on the side to keep up the perfect straight boy charade.

My eyes flickered open, but i didn't want him to know that i was awake, not yet. I hadn't decided what i was going to do about this situation. It confused me, even angered me, that Sammie was trying to make him feel anything less than mortified by his past actions. Why would she, of all people, want him to feel better about this? She should be more angry than i, considering i had the lesser of two evils. I, atleast, knew what Gabe was doing, knew the truth, knew who he cared for more. She was in the dark, and, although she got to spent time publicly with Gabe, it never amounted to a single secretive kiss that we shared. Unless he was lying to me about that, too.

"Come with me, Gabe. If you really plan on staying awake until he wakes up, you'll need some coffee in you. Sammie, do you want anything?" Brendon muttered.

"No, thanks." The soft sigh of her response confused me. I was glad that Gabe and Brendon were leaving. This could be my only chance to make a choice, and i desperately needed this girl's help.

"Sammie?" I managed to choke out, my voice nothing more than a whisper. I was afraid that my voice was too faint for her to hear when i didn't get a response right away.

"Pat, you're awake?" She sounded stunned, and something more that i couldn't identify...nor did i want to, from the sound of it.

"Yeah, I've...been awake for a few minutes, i guess." This time my voice came out louder and stronger.

"You must have heard alot, then." And there it was in her voice; resentment, reluctance. Well, i can't say i don't blame her. I wasn't the only one who loved Gabe.

"Yeah, alot." I paused to consider my next words carefully. "And i wanted to talk to you about what...happened."

Her silence was longer this time, followed by a deep sigh.

 "There's nothing to talk about, Patrick. I know it was an accident, you weren't thinking about the consequenses when you did it. it's okay, now." Obviously, she was chosing her words carefully, too.

"I wasn't talking about that," i sighed. This was going to be awkward.

"I don't want to talk about that. The choice is made, he's all yours." Yes, she was definately resentful, though whether it was towards me or Gabe i had no way of knowing.

"I guess my choice doesn't matter then, right?"

"You...love him. You want to be with him, don't you?"           

"Are you asking if i want to be his man, or if i want to be his dirty little secret?" My tone, this time, was angry. She nodded, understanding what i was getting at.

"So what are you going to do about it? It's not like he's proud of what he did, Patrick. he loves you more than anything in the world. I find it hard to believe that he would continue to hide that love after all of this. She sat down and brought her knees to her chest, arms wrapped around her, as she looked my deep in the eyes.

"So it takes a suicide attempt to get him to see that he's being an ass? That seems alitle drastic to me. The point is, he shouldn't have tried to hide it from everyone and he definately should NOT have lied to you. I'm so sorry about that. regarding that case, i feel just as shitty as he does." My eyes moved from hers to the ground, ashamed. I felt a hand rub my hair gently and looked up at her again, shocked. She smiled sadly, the face of defeat.

"I understand why he did it, not that i agree with it. But i know he loves YOU. You're what he wants, and i'm not going to make him feel any more guilty than he already does. At any rate, i can hear him and Brendon in the hallway, so i've leave. I'm sure you've got some things you want to say to him." She got up silently and left, closing the door behind her. I could still hear her in the hallway telling brendon to give Gabe and I a moment alone.

I took several deep breaths, wondering what i was going to say. it's true i love him, but do i love him enough to forgive him for making me feel like i wasn't worth being honest about? I couldn't answer that question, nor did i want to think about it. The lack of voices outside the door told me that gabe was probably doing the same thing; Taking deep breaths, considering what was about to be said, what future would lay itself out for us. Slowly, the door opened and Gabe walked in, back facing me as he closed the door. he took another deep breath before turning to face me.

I'm not sure what i was expecting. maybe to see the same boy i'd always loved, the one who always smiled and was overly-confident in everything he did. This was definately not that boy. This boy looked utterly depressed, warn from who knows how many sleepless nights in a hospital, drenched in shame and horror from what he felt was his fault. he looked ten years older as he slowly as in the chair next to my bed. We looked at eachother for a few seconds, and i wondered if this was the last conversation i would ever have with him. 

"Pat, i...can't even begin to tell you how sorry i am. What i did, it was inexcusable, monstrous. i'll understand if you want nothing to do with me from now on." He voice, begining strong and sure, cracked as the sentence ended and his eyes filled with agaony. He would understand, but he would not like it.

"Gabe..." and i knew exactly what i had to do now. If was the only way for me to be happy, the way i deserved to be, with someone who wouldn't treat me like an imaginery friend. it wouldn't be easy, but it had to be done. And by all means, i was going to make sure it happened, not matter what.

"gabe, i WON'T be your dirty little secret anymore. I think things will be alot better for BOTH of us, if we just..."

Ah, the power of cliff hangers! The next chapter will probably be posted tonight, tomorrow, or somewhere along those lines, so i hope everyone enjoyed it. Thank you to my one faithful reader who hasn't given up on me yet (you know who you are) and to any new readers.

Also, i'll be posting a new story soon. completely original and no celebs involved. I need some help with the title, though. The jist of the story is a vampire raised by fairies who stumbles upon a plot from the fairy kind to wipe out all vampires, including him. Sounds cheasy, but those of you who have read my other stories know i'm all for action, drama, and PLENTY of forbidden romance. So far, possible titles are:

Crimson Door
Flight of the Fairies
Demetri's Soul
One Fine Murder

Tell me which one you like the best, or you can suggest others if you want. Thanks so much, everyone!

~Alex

I know i haven't been on for like, ever, so i just wanted to update anyone who cares to know:

My two fanfics that i stopped writing awhile ago will be continued over the summer, once my computer gets fixed. I couldn't posibly dream of finishing them with the speed i'm going. This is one case where slow and steady does NOT will the race, thank you.

I'm still kind of trying to get over a heart break that happened almost 7 months ago. For the most part, i'm doing a good job of blocking out those thoughts, and i have an amazing new group of friends at school who just speak my language in general, and they understand me, and thats all i could ever hope for.

In the passed four months i've dating 3 guys and have come to realize that either i'm just so used to dating a girl that i can't be with guys anymore, or i just shouldn't be dating. I think it's a combination of both.

And finally, a message to all who care, and i pray (which isn't something that i do often xD) that everyone reads this:

Make sure you know what you're doing before you  give your body up to someone, whether they be male or female. You don't want to regret that (take it from a chica who knows.)

Now enough about me! I feel so cut off from everyone on buzznet that i used to talk to, and new people who i have been to groggy to meet xD SO WHAT'S BEEN GOING ON PEOPLE!?!?

No, seriously, how's everyone been doin'? Let's get a convramasation started!

xoxo peeps!!

~Alex

MY APOLOGIES! I know it took forever, and i am truely sorry. I'm in a writing mood, and hopefully this will take my mind off of other things in my life. hope you enjoy!

~Hayley's pov~

"Hayley, hi!" Kirstin said, hugging me tightly. I imediately stiffened under her grip and tried to pull myself from her.

"Kirstin, what are you doing here?" I asked. She smiled and took a step closer, so that her face was only inches from mine.

"A little birdie told me you'd be here today, so i decided to stop by and see how you're doing." she said. I looked over her shoulder and saw Sam walking into the building with her skates under her arm, looking puzzled as she saw this girl standing so close to me. I took a few steps back from Kirstin and waved to Sam.

"Kirstin, it really is....good...to see you, but i can't have this conversation any longer. I'm here on a date, and i really should go." I tried to walk around her, but she blocked my way. I send a worried expression to sam, and she started for us.

"Hal, i really hate the way things ended between us. I want to make it up to you in any way. Just name it, i'll do it." She said, pushing me against a wall. Just when i thought i might have to kick her ass, Sam's hand came down hard on Kirstin's shoulder and she pulled her back.

"I believe you're interupting our date." Sam said in a bitter tone that i'd never heard before. Kirstin looked from her, to me, and back to her. Finally she sighed and, with one last sad look at me, turned and walked away.

"Thank goodness you came along! i was afraid i'd have to hurt that girl in a minute or two." i smiled greatfully at her.

"Well, lets get to this date, shall we?" sam said. Just as she went to take my hand, her cell phone rang. she rolled her eyes as she picked it up, but her face soon turned to worry.

"Hayley...Patrick overdosed!"

~Gabe's pov~

I can't believe i made the love of my life try to kill himself. And what makes matters worse, i would have never known if Sammie didn't go to talk to him and find him half dead. I'm a terrible person. I don't deserve to be loved.

I sat by Pat's bed, waiting for him to wake up so i could apologize. sammie was on the other side, trying not to look into my eyes. I thought she'd be furious at me, but she seemed deep in thought. She sat starring out the window at the slow drizzles of rain pouring down it's spotless glass, every once in a while looking at me. When she did look at me, it was a deep, probing look. One that, as hard as i tried, i couldn't look away from. Was she seeing into my soul? Probably. Which means she can see the true uglyness underneath my mask. great, let her see me. Let her see the stupid homosexual who was so ashamed of himself that he broke two peoples hearts and made one try to kill himself. Let her see how terrible i am.

~Brendon's pov~

i stormed into the hospital room to find gabe sitting next to Pats bed, with Sammie on the other side, looking at him like she was trying to figure him out. Maybe they had just been talking. I gave her a simpathetic look when her eyes moved to my face, then turned my eyes on Gabe. Evil took a whole new form when i glared at him. I felt like i wanted so badly to hurt him with something, anything, but i knew i wouldn't. he just looked so dead. He starred at me for a long time, as if trying to pass a message to me with his eyes, then turned his shamed face to the floor.

I got it. he knew what he did, and he felt terribe for it. I wanted so badly to scream at him, but the words wouldn't leave my mouth, and it was silent for a long time before Gabe finally spoke. His voice came out monotone, raspy, cold. i had to move closer to understand the words he spook, he was talking so fast.

"I know i'm an ass, okay? I know i deserve to die. i know you both hate me, i know Patrick hates me, i just-" his words were cut off by deep sobs, making his whole body shake from head to toe.

"Oh god what have i done!?" he sobs, burling up into a ball in the chair. I felt my throat tighten up and looked over at sammie. she was giving him a soft look, like what he had done to her didn't matter anymore. I placed my hand on his back and sat down next to him.

"Gabe-" i started.

"No!" he pushed my hand off. "Don't treat me like i'm the victim! I'm a terrible person, treat me like it, dammit!" He was begining to loose it, i could tell. He was taking Pat's suicide attempt in, and he couldn't escape the thought that it might have been too late.

"Gabe, listen to me! You need to calm down. Just calm down!" I grabbed him and pulled him into a hug, and even though he tried to push me off, he eventually crumbled into my arms and cried into my chest. Sam was up now,stroking his hair gently and telling him to breath. After a few minutes, his sobs turned into little shakes, then nothing at all. He looked at us both, questions written all over his face.

"How can i possibly forgive myself for this?"

Alexandrea Peters Godly News 1716

"They Have Confessed It!"

The once peaceful town of Salem, Massechusetts, in a startling turn of events, now has thirty-nine woman accused of witchcraft. These accusations began last week when the ten-year-old daughter of the towns Reverend was said to be flying after a night of secret dancing. The girls involved in the incident confessed to be in contact with the devil himself. These girls gave numerous names, all of which will be tried in court.

One of these woman, to everyones dismay, is Rebecca Nurse. Rebecca was accused by Mrs. Ann Putnam, who says she killed her seven babies before they lived a day.After speaking with her, Rebecca stated, "Miscarriage is very common, however Goody Putnam naught to let it rest. The second someone cries witchcraft, she points her twisted soul towards me." There's no word yet on whether or not Rebecca will be sentenced to hang.

Is hell truly breathing down the neck of Salem? Is it just fraud, a quick scam to get young girls out of further trouble? I stand before John Proctor, who says he knows the truth behind the "Salem scam" of witchcraft. Later we'll speak with Abigail Williams to see what she says on the matter, but first, Whats the story John?
JP: Well, the day Betty Parris was sickly, Abigail told me they danced, and Betty took fright when her father caught them. No  witchcraft was done in Salem.
AP: But john, keep in mind that many have already confessed.
JP: And why not, if they must hang for denyin' it? There are them that will swear to anything before they'll hang.
AP: I suppose you speak truth. But your wife-
JP: Is a good christian woman, and nothing more.
AP: Thank you for your time, Proctor. Now, on to the accuser. Hello Abigail, how do you do??

AW: Very Fine, Alex. As fine as a woman of God can be.
AP:  Thats very good. So what is your side of this story?
AW: It's quite simple, actually. I have confessed myself to being in league with the devil. My only wish, now, is to seek out the others and bring them closer to God as i have been so blessed to be.
AP: Did you or did you not tell John Proctor betty Parris' condition had naught to do with witchcraft.
AW: I most certainly did not! You have my word, as God is my witness.
AP: If John Proctor takes this to court, what proof do you have that he speaks lies?
AW: Gods word, and the word of all those who have confessed their sins to God.
AP: Well, i connot argue with such a word. Thank you, Abigail.
AW: No, it was my pleasure.

     There you have it. Two sides of a grueling story tell us we can expect nothing of the upcoming trial, except the downfall of many more.The question that hangs on everyones lips is whether or not witchcraft is among Salem. More importantly, will the right people be prosecuted, or will the innnocent suffer?

(3 months later)

I stand here before the entire town of Salem where, just ten minutes earlier, John Proctor and Rebecca Nurse hung. As you have probably heard, John proctor was acuused of being the devil my mary Warren and the other girls. However, many people are begining to wonder if this outragious event in history was true, or just a young womans revenge on a lecher. I suppose the truth will not be known for many years, or when this we will ever wake from this terrible nightmare. Let us all pray that if there still be a God, he saves the people of Salem.

Inspiration for this chapter: "So What" by Pink. because, fuck her, thats why!! (not Pink, the other her)

~Ryan's pov~

I drove to work slowly, still thinking about the conversation Spencer and I had in the forest.

"Of course i still love you Ryan, but it will never be the same. We should just move on."

"But i can't just move on after being so in love for so long."

*Sigh* I just don't know what to do anymore. I love him so much. I thought i was over him until now. this cannot be happening to me! As if my life wasn't stressfull enough.

With a great sigh, i stepped out of my car and into the fridget cold WorldSlurp. I stepped up behind the counter where i noticed a new boy at the register. A resigned mother stood holding a small boy and complaining heavily to the new kid. He sighed, clicked a few buttons, shrugged, and began talking to her. She got frustrated and spat a string of profanities his way. he looked upset, hurt, and like he wanted to slap her, but still put on a smile and started typing again.

"Hello, can i help out in any way?" I asked, walking over to the register.

"Yes! this boy doesn't know how to do simple math! He's charging me $6.55 for a rainbow slurpy and this small pizza! Last time i got this it was only $5.55! Obviously he's trying to get a profit from me!" 

"Actually, our rainbow slurpies went up a dollar in price. I'm very sorry for the inconvinience." She threww the money on the counter and stomped out in a huff. the kid leaned against the counter and put his face in his hands, so i couldn't see his face.

"Your first day?" I guessed. he moved his hands to look at me and i gasped. silently, of course.

"How did you ever guess? I'm Brendon." He said. My throat went dry, but somehow i still managed to smile.

"Ryan. Call me if you need any help out here. It gets scaring at the itime of day." I gave him a warm smile and headed around the corner to the slurpy machines, porepared to master my new rainbow slurpy making abilities.

Throughout the work day, i kept glancing at Brendon whenever i could. Although i had to stop after awhile. He started noticing. Either that or he was watching me. I found myself whisling during the day, and when our shifts were over i didn't want to leave. I said bye to him, got in my car, and drove away, thinking about this beautiful new boy that i would be working with for the ENTIRE summer. Suddenly, working at a slurpy store didn't seem so bad.

When i got home, i had to tell Spencer all about it, of course. He was my best friend, and i told him everything. I called him righ away after i had locked myself in my room and unplugged my parents end of the line.

"Hey Ry, whats up?" He asked, seeming happy to hear from me. Yeah right, i'm just kidding myself!

"Ohmygod, you will never guess who works at my job now!"

"You're right, i won't. i give up. Who?" he asked.

"His name is Brendon. He is B-E-A-Utiful. I mean, wow.  Like, wow kind of beautiful. I'm amazed i was able to tell him my name after i looked into his eyes. And i'll see him every day! Isn't that awesome!" I squeeled like a little girl.

"Um, yeah. Thats...awesome, Ry. Really, that is. I'm happy for you. i have to go. bye!" He hung up before i could say bye back. I stared at the phone for a few minutes, mystified about how he reacted.

"He's probably jealous." A female voice said randomly from behind the door.

"MOM! YOU WEREN"T SUPPOSED TO BE LISTENING!" I screamed, without realizing that i had called her mom.

"Aww, sweety, you forgive me finally?" She asked, stepping into my room.

"No, i do not! that was rude! VERY RUDE! Besides, why would he be jealous? He said it himself, it would never be the same between us."

"Well, that may be so, but that doesn't mean that he can't be jealous. Sometimes a person can think they are over someone until that person is happy with someone who isn't them. Then they start to realize how much they truely love the person. Maybe thats how spencer feels about you." She said. For the first time in months, i didn't blow off a thought that she put in my head. Did Spencer still love me??

"No, i don't believe it. he's always pulling back from me. It can't be true." I said, less certain then before.

"I don't know, hunny. Why don't you sleep on it, and i'll be up bright in early to eat breakfast with you, okay??" She said hopefully. i looked into her eyes, filled with nothing but love for me, and gave in.

"Fine. I'll see you in the morning." I said. She leaned over and i let her give me a kiss on the forehead.

"Sleep good."

Sorry it was so short, it would have been way longer if my computer didn't freeze up after every line i types. Yup, still haven't gotten the computer fixed yet. Fun times.
Just to let you know whats going on with me: On wednesday i'm auditioning for an all womans choir called bel Canto at my school. I'm alittle nervous, so please wish me luck! P.S. I'll post more tomorrow, PINKY SWEAR!!

~Ryan's pov~

"Ryan, you aren't seriously considering that they forgive us, do you? i mean, not that we did anything bad, you know?" Spencer asked after i explained what had just happened between my mother and I.

"I don't know what to think anymore. She really wasn't upset about seeing me. She looked as if she were about to cry tears of joy. I just don't understand why now, of all times, she decides she still loves me."

"I just don't underst-...Crap, my grammy's calling me. I gotta go. See you tomorrow at the usual place." Spencer said, hanging up on me. i grabbed a few blankets from my closet and curled up on my bed with them, looking around at my "bedroom". It just didn't feel like mine anymore. I know i didn't belong here, yet i was forced to come back. I could have stayed at school for the summer, but Spencer was coming home and i'd be alone. I sighed and closed my eyes, drifting into a cold, dead sleep.

"George. HEY GEORGE! GET UP!" Soemone said, pounding on my door. I pushed the covers off my head and stared at the clock miserably. it was on 6:30 in the morning. I knew staying in bed any longer was not an option, atleast not with the man around. The routine, even before he hated me, was to get up when he tells me to. No questions asked, just get up, otherwise there would be consequences to face. I climbed out of bed, pulled on fresh clothes, and walked downstairs.

"Your mother wants to know what you want for breakfast, kid." the man said. I looked over at her only to see sadness in her eyes, as if pleading for me to forgive her.

"Actually, i'm really craving for a McDonalds egg McMuffin." I said.

"Well, me too. I'll drive you there and we can eat together."

"No thanks, that's not neccesary. Afterall, why'd i buy a car if i never use it?" I said as i walked out the door and slammed it behind me. I didn't have time for her pathetic, "let's be a family again" act. I got in my car and drove down to the creek. Stepping out, i noticed some new adjustments. The trail was now solid dirt, no longer the rough stepped on patches of dead grass. There was a fence blocking the path that read "No Trespassing Under Penalty Of Law." I smirked. Spencer knew how to keep people away. I stepped over the sign and began walking the path that became so familiar to me when i was a little boy. The green trees covered from head to toe in moss and ivy. I knew just what to smell to make my problems disapear (i know what you're thinking-but it isn't drugs) and i know what to keep away from. More than just poison ivy and oak, but things other people wouldn't have the faintest clue about. And the smell overall was so beautiful.

"Hey Ross, you're late. What took you so long? I brought McMuffins!" Spencer yelled happily. I smiled and leaned into him, placing a gentle kiss on his soft lips.

"I thought we agreed no more kisses?" He smirked.

"Well, i missed you. Trust me, one day in that house is enough to make me feel like the most lonely guy on earth." I said.

"Wow, what would one week make you do to me?" He said, his smile growing wider. I pointed to a tree next to Spencer.

"See that tree? I would probably slam you against it and have my way with you." He started to crack up, knowing i was kidding. I was over Spencer, that much was obvious. But now i felt alone, empty. and all because of my roommates. I could have still been in love with a beautiful man, but they tore us apart, seperated us for so long that we lost everything. all the love, all the happiness, all the peaceful moments between us swept away with the wind. We talk about those times alot, both wishing we were still that close, but it will never come back.

"Ryan, are you thinking about it again?" He asked suddenly.

"No, no, of course not! Why would i be doing that?" I tried to cover up my feelings as much as possible.

"You suck at lying. Ry, i wish we could go back, too, but it's never going to happen. We should just move on, not that any other man would love me for who i am the way you did." He sighed.

"Don't say that. You are beautiful, inside and out. You'll find someone, someday. And so will i. One day." I said hopefully. But never did i expect that day to be as close as today.

Please tell me what you think, honestly. I'm still not sure if i like the way this is going, but w/e

Wow, had NO idea the title was actually that long. It sounds shorter when you say it, right? Anyways, new fanfic. The other one is, to be quite honest, pissing me the fuck off (to put it nicely xD) No, i'm not ending it. I just have to get away for awhile. Explore different things. Catch up on reading. Finally learn to write good one-shots (which i still suck at, by the way). This has been an idea for awhile, but it's finally here!
DRUM ROLL!!!!!!

YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!

~Ryan's pov~

  If i could give you all the reasons why i hated Mondays, i truely would. But unfortunately, Monday is my lazyday. Sorry if i let you down. But if you're really in the mood to hear how crappy Mondays are, fine. I guess i could spare alittle.

  Mondays in Las Vegas in June are sticky and humid. The air practically strangles me as i pull the covers down from my face in the morning. On Mondays, everyone in on their period, including me. Not that i'm a tranny, but you get my point. If i accidently bump into someone in the halls at school, my head is officially bitten off. And, in turn, i bite that persons head off back. Random people i've come to hate because of Mondays. On Mondays, i have to go to work at 4:30 instead of 5:30, because the last guy quick. Thanks dude.

  And finally, this particular Monday, i leave West Nevada Boarding School for the Gifted, that i just started going to two months ago, to go to the house. The house has always been it's name. Home isn't a word i use. As a matter of fact, it isn't even in my vocabulary. Not sense i was eight have i referred to the house as home, nor have i called my family, well, family. They're just roommates. They might as well be my roommates, seeing as i have to help pay for food, pay for all my clothes, and pay rent. Yes, rent. Even though i'll only be there for two-and-a-half months every year until i graduate. And it's not like they need my help, because trust me, they make enough money as it is. My male roommate is a lawyer, and my female roommate is a wedding planner. I myself mastered the arts of eliquintly designing cherry or blueraspberry slurpies, from 4:30-8:30 every other day.

  Lets face it, i'm poor. Slurpy making doesn't exactly get you the big bucks, you know??

So, back to the real point here. Boarding school good, house bad. You following me so far? Awesome. Let's go....urg, home. *gags*

  The ride to the house was alot easier than it would have been sense my best friend, Spencer, asked his mother to take me to the house. Otherwise, the man would have drive an hour to get me, then an hour back, then next thing you know, i would have been handing over twenty bucks for his damn car. Stupid gas prices.

  Spencer and I chatted about random things on the way back. We talked about school, and our musical ratings. Spencer played drum and, although he refuses to admit it, a very gentle, calming voice. I play guitar and sing. Thank goodness, we both got a rating higher than eighty. If your rating goes lower for the year grade, you're kicked out of the school. The hour flew by, which sucked, because now i was standing in front of the home. Picking at my pockets, i grabbed the small black and gold key and opened the door. I shivered slightly. Inside, the house was crystal cold, which isn't a surprise around summertime.  Neither is me wrapping up in my blankets ever night, praying i would wake up in some museum where they store human popsicles. Creepy.

  I grabbed my bag, threw it over my shoulders, and headed for the stairs. interveined. Denied. The old lady stood in fornt of me with a smile on her face.

"Oh, hello there Marian." I said calmly.

"Ryan, don't call me that. I'm your mother, whether you like it or not. Call me Mom." She said, looking cross already.

"Well, i'm your son, whether you like it or not, but i bet you wouldn't tell your friends that." I said bitterly, remembering the harsh few months before i suggested boarding school to my roommates.

"Ryan, hunny, can we please put that behind us? I'm not proud of how i acted, now that i've gotten a chance to look at it from a different view. I'm ashamed of myself, really. Will sorry ever be enough for you?" She pleaded.

"Sorry wasn't enough for Spencer, was it? God, Mom, we didn't do anything wrong. You acted like what we did was sinful and worthy of the death penalty."

"It is sinful Ryan, but please, i don't want to argue anymore. It's your life, do what you want with it, just remember where you'll go when you die." *sigh* not the whole, you're headed for hell, talk again.

"Mom, i don't believe in god, i don't believe in heaven or hell, i don't believe in angels, demons, sinners or saintso i make myself clear?"

"Abundantly. But whatever, your life, your choice. I've just missed you so much." she said, trying to hug me. I pulled away and stormed up the stairs, slamming my door behind me. She expects me to forgive her that fast? Ha! Atleast she still has a sense of humor.

Thats the first chapter. I could have gone all day, that was so fun! Anyways, please tell me honestly what you think. It will help me out alot. Thanks for reading!

Crystal waves crash into despair
sweeping away the heat of the blow
One last regret to seal the deal
Endless guilt for selfish actions
Sifting, swollowing anger and rage
tearing beneath years of hate
One last night to close your eyes
and see the world as it is yours
gentle waves pick up speed
Crashing, ripping up pieces of past life
One hope that the world will change
At the touch of your fingertips
Then the waves come in
sweeping you off your feet
and under it's dark blanket of water
Cold fingers entangle your rigid body
Hit rock bottle, and next thing you know
You're right back where you started
Wishing it could all be yours
With tyrannical thoughts
Foolish hopes
have you learned nothing?
The ocean will always be stronger
than the one who wants it most.

(Sorry for unrelated tags. How else was i supposed to get people to see this??) This is a random little contest i cooked up, simply for fun (with very, VERY limited awards for winners.)
Rules:
1. Look at the  picture and write a poem about it. be creative. It can be about ANYTHING!!!
2. It must be posted in a comment on this blog. My computer is way too slow to be going to a million different pages xD
3. Can't be any longer than 60 lines....which is pretty long, don't you think?
4. Once again, BE CREATIVE!!!

the prizes (if you win, choose one. Yes, i know they suck. What did you expect??)
1. Many pic comments
2. i'll read your fanfic (as long as it doesn't already have like, 30 chapters)
3. the satisfaction of telling everyone i liked your poem better than theirs (*sigh* nobody will choose this one xD)

Now here is the picture!!!!!

Drum roll, please! (scroll down)

Have fun writing! Contest ends in two days!!!! If there's enough people, i'll have 3-4 winners. If there's a few writers, there will be two winners.