This city was a blueprint for hell..chapter 6
To my readers (or i should say reader, as my long months of procrastination has left only one, and thank you very much for your support) I've been reading the Twilight saga over and over again because Stephenie Meyer has amazing descriptive ability in her writing, so i'm sure some of that has rubbed off on me. No matter, i'm in a writing mood (for once) and i feel i owe it to my readers to post a bit more than usual, so here it is. Hope you enjoy!
~Patrick's POV~
Though the lack of sight was the most prominant of my senses at the moment, i vaguely heard voices in the distance. A soft pitter-patter against glass made me realize that i was, after all, still alive in spite of my resent attempt. It began to dawn on me just how stupid that act had been on my part, but i couldn't focus on that for long. Other sounds were making themselves known. Feet, gentle on a linoleum floor, getting closer to my half-conscious figure. Murmured voices got louder as the darkness left me and unmuffled my senses. I realized, then, that these were not murmurs i was hearing. They were soft sobs from someone who was in the room with me, along with what sounded like two other people counseling the sobber.
"How can i ever forgive myself?" a familiar voice asked, choking on the last word. I know this voice, I told myself. It was the voice of an angel, my reason for living, but who was it?
"People make mistakes, you can't bring this on yourself. Besides, hating yourself isn't going to make Patrick wake up." It was Brendon who spoke this time, though i couldn't understand why i recognized him immediately but not my angel.
"And what if he never wakes up? Am i supposed to just go about my life like his death isn't on my hands?" Bitter this time, a tone i'd never heard him use. Of course you know him. Think!
"Brendon's right, Patrick chose to overdose. He may have based that decision on your actions, but it was still stupid and irrational of him. You can't walk around with this guilt." Sammie, definately. I recognized the soothing tone she used whenever she was trying to calm someone down yet make sense of a situation herself. Of course. Of course i knew him!
Memories of the last time i was awake flooded back to me now. I saw him so clearly, this perfect man who was so ashamed of who he was, who felt that he had to hide our love from everyone, make up stories about where he went or what he did. Even date a girl on the side to keep up the perfect straight boy charade.
My eyes flickered open, but i didn't want him to know that i was awake, not yet. I hadn't decided what i was going to do about this situation. It confused me, even angered me, that Sammie was trying to make him feel anything less than mortified by his past actions. Why would she, of all people, want him to feel better about this? She should be more angry than i, considering i had the lesser of two evils. I, atleast, knew what Gabe was doing, knew the truth, knew who he cared for more. She was in the dark, and, although she got to spent time publicly with Gabe, it never amounted to a single secretive kiss that we shared. Unless he was lying to me about that, too.
"Come with me, Gabe. If you really plan on staying awake until he wakes up, you'll need some coffee in you. Sammie, do you want anything?" Brendon muttered.
"No, thanks." The soft sigh of her response confused me. I was glad that Gabe and Brendon were leaving. This could be my only chance to make a choice, and i desperately needed this girl's help.
"Sammie?" I managed to choke out, my voice nothing more than a whisper. I was afraid that my voice was too faint for her to hear when i didn't get a response right away.
"Pat, you're awake?" She sounded stunned, and something more that i couldn't identify...nor did i want to, from the sound of it.
"Yeah, I've...been awake for a few minutes, i guess." This time my voice came out louder and stronger.
"You must have heard alot, then." And there it was in her voice; resentment, reluctance. Well, i can't say i don't blame her. I wasn't the only one who loved Gabe.
"Yeah, alot." I paused to consider my next words carefully. "And i wanted to talk to you about what...happened."
Her silence was longer this time, followed by a deep sigh.
"There's nothing to talk about, Patrick. I know it was an accident, you weren't thinking about the consequenses when you did it. it's okay, now." Obviously, she was chosing her words carefully, too.
"I wasn't talking about that," i sighed. This was going to be awkward.
"I don't want to talk about that. The choice is made, he's all yours." Yes, she was definately resentful, though whether it was towards me or Gabe i had no way of knowing.
"I guess my choice doesn't matter then, right?"
"You...love him. You want to be with him, don't you?"
"Are you asking if i want to be his man, or if i want to be his dirty little secret?" My tone, this time, was angry. She nodded, understanding what i was getting at.
"So what are you going to do about it? It's not like he's proud of what he did, Patrick. he loves you more than anything in the world. I find it hard to believe that he would continue to hide that love after all of this. She sat down and brought her knees to her chest, arms wrapped around her, as she looked my deep in the eyes.
"So it takes a suicide attempt to get him to see that he's being an ass? That seems alitle drastic to me. The point is, he shouldn't have tried to hide it from everyone and he definately should NOT have lied to you. I'm so sorry about that. regarding that case, i feel just as shitty as he does." My eyes moved from hers to the ground, ashamed. I felt a hand rub my hair gently and looked up at her again, shocked. She smiled sadly, the face of defeat.
"I understand why he did it, not that i agree with it. But i know he loves YOU. You're what he wants, and i'm not going to make him feel any more guilty than he already does. At any rate, i can hear him and Brendon in the hallway, so i've leave. I'm sure you've got some things you want to say to him." She got up silently and left, closing the door behind her. I could still hear her in the hallway telling brendon to give Gabe and I a moment alone.
I took several deep breaths, wondering what i was going to say. it's true i love him, but do i love him enough to forgive him for making me feel like i wasn't worth being honest about? I couldn't answer that question, nor did i want to think about it. The lack of voices outside the door told me that gabe was probably doing the same thing; Taking deep breaths, considering what was about to be said, what future would lay itself out for us. Slowly, the door opened and Gabe walked in, back facing me as he closed the door. he took another deep breath before turning to face me.
I'm not sure what i was expecting. maybe to see the same boy i'd always loved, the one who always smiled and was overly-confident in everything he did. This was definately not that boy. This boy looked utterly depressed, warn from who knows how many sleepless nights in a hospital, drenched in shame and horror from what he felt was his fault. he looked ten years older as he slowly as in the chair next to my bed. We looked at eachother for a few seconds, and i wondered if this was the last conversation i would ever have with him.
"Pat, i...can't even begin to tell you how sorry i am. What i did, it was inexcusable, monstrous. i'll understand if you want nothing to do with me from now on." He voice, begining strong and sure, cracked as the sentence ended and his eyes filled with agaony. He would understand, but he would not like it.
"Gabe..." and i knew exactly what i had to do now. If was the only way for me to be happy, the way i deserved to be, with someone who wouldn't treat me like an imaginery friend. it wouldn't be easy, but it had to be done. And by all means, i was going to make sure it happened, not matter what.
"gabe, i WON'T be your dirty little secret anymore. I think things will be alot better for BOTH of us, if we just..."
Ah, the power of cliff hangers! The next chapter will probably be posted tonight, tomorrow, or somewhere along those lines, so i hope everyone enjoyed it. Thank you to my one faithful reader who hasn't given up on me yet (you know who you are) and to any new readers.
Also, i'll be posting a new story soon. completely original and no celebs involved. I need some help with the title, though. The jist of the story is a vampire raised by fairies who stumbles upon a plot from the fairy kind to wipe out all vampires, including him. Sounds cheasy, but those of you who have read my other stories know i'm all for action, drama, and PLENTY of forbidden romance. So far, possible titles are:
Crimson Door
Flight of the Fairies
Demetri's Soul
One Fine Murder
Tell me which one you like the best, or you can suggest others if you want. Thanks so much, everyone!
~Alex
